“Dear Jared,
Whenever a friend gets married, I always think that he/she will have limited time for other people including me. It is very understandable that he/she will have to focus on starting a family. This happens all the time and I obviously understand that. In the past years, few of my friends were already married and we haven’t got out or spent much time together ever since.
It is a good thing that I have a very close friend who happened to be single just like me. He works in a different country from where I am at, so we have a four-hour time difference. This did not stop us from updating each other about our daily routines. Whenever he has some office tasks he needs to finish, or has something to do that I am good at, I am always to the rescue. I remember prioritizing his book cartoons over my office works. It is not that I am complaining about it. I enjoy doing it for him. In turn, whenever I have to submit articles and essays, I would trust him more than Grammarly. We promised that we will be there for each other’s rescue. We promised to update each other about everything.
However, in the past year, this close friend found a partner and has less time to spend with me. It just so happened that I felt I was not being “updated” about it. I did know about his courtship and other date stuff, which I believe would be fun if both of us planned about it. I felt bad when he finally revealed that they were already sleeping together. I felt like I should have known about it simply because I am a “friend” and we promised to update each other about our milestones. This and other issues made us ignore each other for about a year.
I eventually made peace with this friend and have made friends with his girlfriend. Time came when this friend has to marry the girl. For some reasons, I felt bad about it. I tried to understand the whole situation and talked to them in a way that I made myself available for them. They involved me and acknowledged my opinion. I said I was fine about it and that I am happy for them. In my heart, I am happy. But why is it that I am starting to feel alone? Why do I feel like I have lost a close friend? Is this normal? This whole thing happened while I am in the middle of grieving over the loss of a loved one. I am trying my best to stay positive and stop myself from replying right away to their messages because I might not reply with a positive tone. What should I do?
— Dence
Dear Dence,
Being too close to someone has its pros and cons. Perhaps one of its cons is to feel that your friend is already a part of your everyday life and realizing that one day, he has his own life to live. As we live, we are bound to meet people that will add to our circle of friendship and family. We may or may not approve of our friend’s decisions but the best thing we can do is to accept and respect his ways, and stay as his friend no matter how many other friends he has. Remember that you can only lose a friend if you yourself let go of the friendship.
Teacher Jared 